Going beyond space-time…

New Year’s Eve… As the year 2012 neared its end, in my moments of meditation I had an unexpected, unusual experience: I slipped into another space-time ‘reality’ – oh well, which is the real reality anyway and which is the dream? Whatever!

In this my inner journey my guide told me: “Most places in the universe are harmonious and peaceful. Your planet Earth is just about the most troubled planet that exists, I am sorry to say. It is very rare to see those kinds of conflicts and disagreements anywhere else in the entire universe. In general, beings elsewhere live in accordance with their purposes and in harmony with nature around them, and with surrounding planetary populations.”

You can check it out in “Going beyond space-time” under the heading “The truth about the universe.” Have fun reading!

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Coincidence or the Magic of Findhorn?

A woman arrives in Cluny Hill College on a Saturday morning, ready to let go of her past and embrace something entirely new. But as she walks into her room, where she is scheduled to spend a week, her past is catching up with her in the most unthinkable way! Oohh!

Read more about this true story, a Coincidence or the Magic of Findhorn? under the heading The Aha Moment here. A riveting course of events and one of innumerable such unusual happenings in Findhorn Foundation! If you have a story to tell, please add it!


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My daily experiences with this nervous system illness…

Oops, I dropped my socks on the floor when I walked toward the closet to put them away. My hand coordination is not so good any more. To pick them up I lean forward so I can hold on to the dresser, as I slowly, slowly bend down and finally get hold of the socks… and slowly I raise myself up. My neck is so weak so I can barely hold my head up as I get up again.

All my movements are slow nowadays and I have to watch all the time so I don’t stumble or fall over. My meals are a funny deal. I sit at the kitchen counter and feed myself through a feeding tube. It actually works quite well. People ask me if I miss eating good food. I don’t care – I only care to stay alive!

I have not been able to talk at all since January 2012. That makes for an interesting life. When people talk around me, I cannot join in. I may hear a person tell about an event, and he may say it happened last Sunday. If I know it was not on Sunday, it was on Saturday, I cannot say that. I am used to letting go of the need to be part of a conversation. Likewise, in a store, when a person tries to talk to me I cannot answer. It sometimes makes people confused that I do not reply to them. I have to let go of that too.

Receiving the diagnosis ALS is like a death sentence. There is no known cure and so, this is seen as a fatal condition. It is just a matter of time.

In my quiet moments I switch from hope to despair and back to hope again, up and down. In moments of despair I have fear of becoming a cripple. The fear of being a cripple, unable to move, talk, or make my needs known, seems worse than the fear of dying. As long as I will die quietly I don’t mind, I just don’t want to die by losing my balance and having a bad fall, or die through violent choking or something like that.

In my hopeful moments I am saying to myself, I will eat healthy food, take all the supplements like enzymes and juices and I will find a way to get well. Even if many people die maybe I will live. I read a book about people who healed from terminal cancer through eating healthy food. I say to myself, I am not in the mood to die, I will live.

But who knows. I can only take one day at a time and live each day in joy and happiness as much as I can. My wonderful husband, Chester, keeps me laughing every day with funny jokes. That brightens each day.

After writing the above reflections, I went to bed. Then I had a dream: I dreamt that I was walking on a beach, skipping joyously over smooth round pebbles. The sea waves were gently lapping the edge of the sandy shoreline. Now and then a bird flew leisurely past. A bit away from me a few other people also walked along the beach. The breeze brought me the salty scents. I was carrying a dark brown board under my arm – it was made of fine mahogany, shaped like a surf board or boogie board. It was not heavy, I carried it with ease. A late afternoon sun was lending a golden glow to the sand dunes at the inner edges of the shore. Pretty grasses grew there.

A great feeling of peace and serenity filled my mind. I felt I had to stay longer. As I turned around and looked back I was aware of my vehicle parked a bit further back – a small SUV just large enough that I could sleep in the back if needed. I thought: “Perhaps I will call Chester and tell him I plan to spend the night here on this beach.”

Then I woke up. “Oh, it was a dream!” Lying in bed I enjoyed the sense of happiness and serenity that still lingered with me. I thought of how in the dream I was perfectly healthy, walked with a light step and thought nothing of carrying the board with me. It made me think: My mind and soul is still free! I can nurture happy thoughts and feelings of health and freedom, in my mind!

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Drama – woke up one morning and could not drink!

Imagine waking up one morning and not be able to drink! This happened to me a week ago. I tried and tried. Finally I sat down in the kitchen and managed to consume a soup using a tea spoon. It took half an hour to down a glass of liquid. That day I spent a few hours struggling to get moisture into my body. The next day – same situation. Panicky feelings, especially as we are having a heat wave with day time temperatures between 90 – 110 F making me sweat a lot. On Thursday, July 12, Chester drove me to the neuroscience hospital, Virginia Mason Hospital in Seattle, and Friday morning I was put under anastetic and had a feeding tube put into my stomach. The great staff there saved my life!

Woke up to a new way of life. We came back home Saturday, July 14. Since the surgery – the first and only in my adult life – I have felt very weak and spend much of the day resting and fussing with the feeding, learning some new skills! Gotta get the hang of this, as my weight is down to 114 pounds – ALS is a great way to lose weight, but I don’t recommend it, folks! At least, now I can feed myself a variety of nutrition fairly easily.

Oh well, that’s the latest. Many years ago I made a rule for myself: Whatever happens can be okay as long as my life is not boring! Sure, so far that is working!

Why me? pops up now and then in my mind. The biggest change is, I am now pushed into a “me first” approach – cannot continue serving and helping others like I’ve done all my life, instead, I had to let go of all such activities and give myself rest. Stillness. Peace. No more doing, just being.

Friends and family members are coming around helping with daily chores – gardening, cleaning, and even stacking wood for us. We are surrounded with caring love.

A tremendous upliftment for me are all the kind, loving comments from friends, on Facebook. Friends I have not talked to for some years have shared their thoughts with me and are providing wonderful support. I am touched, accepting this huge river of gracious love flowing to me. Feel so blessed.

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Words of Wisdom from Cornelia, who I haven’t seen in more than a decade…

Cornelia Featherstone says:

July 4, 2012

Dear Brita,

Thank you so much for sharing all this – and for sending it out on Facebook – so that it came to my attention.

I have the blessing of having my perspectives around dis-ease turned on it’s head over the last 3 years. After a severe ‘flu in Feb 2009 I have ‘post viral fatigue syndrome’ – or chronic fatigue – or ME – or burn out. In the process I have come to accept (and in the meantime declare to whoever wants to know) that “the doctor is dead – long live Cornelia” – as I just don’t have the brains/stress tolerance/cognitive function to work.

Yet whenever I tune in and wonder if I should do this or that alternative therapy, I get the response “there is nothing wrong with you!” I feel the assurance that it is all about garnering the learning this gift brings into my life – accepting that it is the opportunity of “another incarnation in the same body”.

It seems such a contradiction to all the work I have done over the decades – in particular with holistic medicine – where Louise Hay’s approach, the emotional, past life explorations etc you have also undertaken, were so central and have brought so much insight, empowerment and at times freedom from suffering and even healing. And yet right now whenever I look for such ’causes’ there is a sense that there is something wrong with me, that I have to find it, address it, transform it, in order to heal – and this goes hand in hand with a sense of disempowerment/wrongness – and then whenever I turn within the voice is steadfast – “There is nothing wrong with you!” – and I have a sense of elation, joy and delight – even when there are symptoms. Some of the symptoms create suffering – and I manage them with orthodox drugs – and paradoxically, right now there is a sense of empowerment and self-reliance that comes from taking these drugs that in the past I have only associated with holistic therapies. Everything is turned on its head.

I am very aware that I don’t really know what I am talking about when I address you here, as postviral syndrome/CFS/ME is not life threatening – so please forgive me, if you feel I am presumptuous.

Lots of love and blessings on your journey
Cornelia Featherstone

Just have to share this comment for all to see – and Cornelia reminds me it is now time for me to cease helping everyone else around me and attend to ME…

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The picture of Abisko Älv – The Abisko River in Lapland, north Sweden

In the summer of 2011 my class mate from high school (back in the 60s) Elisabeth invited me to travel with her to Abisko in Lapland. We stayed at the legendary hikers’ hostel there and did day hikes in the mountains. On our last day we had our snack sitting on these rocks taking in the beauty of the waterfall. This picture is a bit of me because my mother’s family ancestry is linked to these mountains and valleys.

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Using our intuition in leadership situations

Hi, thanks for turning up here. I’ve had lots of enjoyment and am so nourished by working as a workshop leader so I like sharing mine and my friends’ experiences with you. I keep adding stories so come back… Do you have a story to share? I’d like to hear from you.

Thanks for reading so far.


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